Well, well, well—it’s that time of year again. The humans are in full panic mode, shoving giant birds into ovens, rearranging the living room like their lives depend on the perfect throw pillow placement, and—gasp—guests! IN. MY. HOUSE. Oh, the horrors!
FYI… I’m Zilla. I wouldn’t be surprised if we haven’t met yet, because I’m booked and busy babes. I’m what you might call socially inclined. Yes, darling, I’ve been known to saunter right up to the occasional human, brush against their legs, and demand admiration. So when Thanksgiving chaos descends, I’ve got a game plan. I’m here to share my wisdom with fellow felines who need to survive, thrive, and (naturally) stay the center of attention during the holidays. 😼✍🏼
1. The Calm Before the Storm
First things first, let’s talk about prep work. If your human is anything like mine, they’ve already begun what I call the “Holiday Hysteria” weeks in advance. You’ve got to be sharp during this time—know your territory, scout out the hiding spots, and memorize the schedule. The humans are in overdrive and this can work to your advantage.
Pro tip: When the humans are running around like headless chickens, prepping the house for guests, it’s the perfect time to stake out new nooks. They’ll move furniture, giving you fresh, unexplored real estate to claim as your own. Sure, you’ll eventually be found, but the look of panic on their faces when they think you’ve “escaped” is priceless. 🤌🏼
Also, this is your last chance to rub your scent on EVERYTHING. If you’re anything like me, you can’t have these guests thinking the couch belongs to them. Nope! It’s yours. So, rub, rub, rub. Don’t skimp on the scratch marks either. A well-timed clawing session as your human fluffs the throw pillows? Iconic. 🙌🏼
2. When the Guests Arrive
Okay babes, the doorbell rings. Time to shine! Or… hide? Honestly, it’s all about timing.
For my introverted feline friends, strangers in the house can be stressful. But trust me, nothing says “I own this house” like a dramatic entrance. Plan your debut about 30 minutes after everyone has arrived. This gives you two things:
- The element of surprise. People will think you’re shy or hiding. Then BOOM! You walk in all casual, and all eyes are on you. Mission accomplished.
- The right energy. By this time, the guests will have had their first glass of wine and they’ll be more relaxed. Humans + wine = easier to manipulate. 🍷
When you enter, walk slowly with intention. Swish that tail, lift your head, and make direct eye contact with whoever looks most important. Give them a little purr or a head bump. Trust me, they’ll eat it up.
But hey, if you’re not in the mood to play social butterfly, that’s fine too. Just make sure you have a safe spot to retreat to—preferably one where you can still spy on everyone. You want to know all the tea that will inevitably be spilled, right?
3. The Art of Dodging Grabby Guests
Ah, yes. There’s always that one person who thinks you’re a walking stuffed animal. “Oh my gosh, look at the kitty! Come here!” they coo, as if you don’t have other, more important things to do—like napping.
Here’s the deal: Not everyone deserves the honor of touching your flawless fur. But humans? They can be persistent. So what’s a pretty kitty like you supposed to do?
Tip #1: The Ole’ Pretend-Yawn-and-Stretch Trick. You see that grabby hand approaching? Simply yawn and stretch as if you’ve got the most relaxed, carefree life in the world. This move confuses the human and makes them second-guess interrupting your zen moment. 🧘🏼♀️
Tip #2: The Sudden Fascination with Thin Air. Have you ever just stared at a random spot on the wall? No reason, just because. It works wonders. Humans will be like, “What’s the cat looking at? Is there a bug?!” Boom. You’ve distracted them, and they’ll forget they were about to touch you. Extra points if you randomly leap away—add some dramatic flair, girl.
Tip #3: The Fake Bathroom Break. If they insist on coming at you, hop off the couch and head straight for the litter box. Humans hate interrupting “bathroom” time. Problem solved. ✅
4. Managing the After-Dinner Cuddle Demand
After the feast, when the humans are stuffed and lazy, they’ll inevitably want to “cuddle.” Cue the collective groan from cats everywhere. Suddenly everyone’s reaching out, inviting you onto their laps, and making ridiculous noises like, “Here, kitty kitty!” Ugh. 🙄
But here’s the thing: We control the cuddle game. You don’t just plop into any old lap. You choose wisely.
Pro tip: Always go for the lap with the warmest blanket. You’ll know it when you see it. The fluffier, the better. And don’t forget to knead—nothing says “I’m in control here” like a good biscuit-making session. Plus, it makes humans think you’re loving the cuddle time when in reality, you’re just enjoying the luxury of a soft spot. 🥰
Bonus Move: The One-Paw Retreat. This is a legendary move, reserved for those of us who’ve truly mastered the art of human manipulation. You start to settle into someone’s lap, letting them think they’ve won. Maybe even close your eyes a little, give a soft purr. Then, just as they’re starting to relax, you get up and walk away. The human will feel honored that you almost chose them. They’ll probably even try to convince the other guests that they’re your favorite—which is totally inaccurate—but the small ego boost they get is adorable to witness.
5. The End of the Night: Strategic Exit
By the time dessert rolls around, you’ll want to make your exit. Especially when that one uncle can’t stop talking politics. A graceful exit is key to leaving a lasting impression.
You don’t just disappear—no, no. Make sure at least a couple of guests see you retreat. Maybe you pause at the doorway, flick your tail, and give them that signature “I’m too fabulous for this” look. Then, slip away somewhere no one will bother you. Very mindful, very demure. 💅🏼
Final Thoughts from a Feline Thanksgiving Survivor
The holidays are a lot. But if there’s one thing us cats know how to do, it’s adapt—while slaying effortlessly, of course. Whether you’re the type to bask in the holiday spotlight or hide under the bed until the strangers are gone, remember: this is your house. The humans may host the dinner, but you’re the one everyone remembers.
So as the holiday chaos ensues, keep your cool, claim your space, and—above all—make sure you get your turkey. What’s Thanksgiving without a little treat for the real star of the show? ✨
Meow for now, but I’ll be back soon!
XOXO, Zilla girl 💞😽
